The charismatic, young, tall, attractive presidential candidate always wins. The cooler (aka the “I’d have a beer with him.”) candidate rises to the top just like a homecoming queen. You would hope that people would put more thought into who the elect president. They don’t. You don’t believe me? Lets look at the proof that this is a presidential popularity contest.
Presidential Proof
• HW Bush vs Dukakis – it’s hard to describe either of them as “cool”, but Dukakis looked like such a dweeb in that tank that it tanked the campaign.
• Clinton vs HW Bush – Clinton is cooler and he won. Younger and better hair.
• Clinton vs Dole – Clinton is cooler and he won. He plays a sax.
• Gore vs Dubya – W is cooler and he won. Cocaine and drinks.
• Carter Vs Reagan– Carter might be a cool old dude now but Reagan was a gorgeous actor on the silver screen. Carter was a peanut farmer.
• Humps Vs Nixon – Nixon at the time was way cooler
• JFK vs Dick Tricky – this 100 times over.
• Kerry vs Dubya – W is cooler and he won. I still remember physically cringing when I heard “My name is John Kerry and I’m reporting for duty!” Oh no they’re going to lose.
• Obama vs McCain – Not even a contest. McCain is a man that looks like he’s a Walmart greeter. It is like he didn’t even know this is a Presidential Popularity Contest.
• Obama vs weirdo Utah dude – Not even a contest part two. Obama is the cool guy that plays basketball and carries a BlackBerry and releases his playlist full of stuff the kids are listening to.
• Trump vs Clinton – The guy that sleeps with pornstars and has a reality TV show and flies around in a cool jet that has his name on it and goes on Howard Stern is way cooler than robotic, inauthentic, elderly, boring woman in a pants suit.
Biden Meme Celebrity Status
• Biden vs Trump – You might think this kills my theory. WRONG. By Trump becoming president and being hated by so many people he became uncool. Meanwhile Biden got to ride his meme status as a cool grandpa that drives a Trans-Am while wearing aviator sunglasses on his way to the Dairy Queen for an ice cream cone. All the while he’s telling you stories about how he beat up Corn Pop. At the time of the election Biden was cooler than Trump – my theory stands. Remember when he called that guy fat and said that he would take Trump behind the shed… Those weren’t gaffes. They helped him. People ate that up.
Presidential Popularity Contest
As much as I wish politics was people making educated decisions about how the country should function, the reality is they don’t. And because much of this country is not only undereducated but severely lacking when it comes to current affairs, it’s safe to say that people like people that….people like. It’s a public facing celebrity job with some very important implications. A popularity contest where the winner gets their finger on a button for four years.