Oh no, I have a sniffle and a sore throat. I have been social distancing and wearing a mask. I have been working from home since early March. Also, thanks to the Amazon and Instacart delivery people, I have not been to a store in months! I have a 99.1 temp. Could just be a cold or an ear infection or maybe a faulty thermometer. I decide that it is a good idea to get tested for Covid19. Seems like the responsible thing to do.

I call my primary care doctor and they instruct me to contact Convenient MD to get tested. I call their number and get directed to their website to fill out a form. I fill out the form and then they call me back. I answer a few questions and they tell me I will be receive another call back from a doctor in a few minutes but this time with video. After an hour I receive a call where the provider asks me all the questions I already filled out on the online form. I can only assume they are doing this to make sure they can get paid by my insurance company.

They say I should go get tested.

I drive to the nearest Convenient MD in the parking lot next to a Buffalo Wild Wings. The appointment time is 12:30 pm and I pull in at 12:15. When I arrive at the front door of the building there is a sign “stand on blue dot and wait. Do not come in.” A woman opens the door in head to toe gear; Mask, white gown, face shield and gloves; PPE to the max. She says she will be right with me. I stand there for about 15 minutes. The time for my appointment comes and goes. I received a text from Convenient MD that says because I did not arrive to check in, they have canceled my appointment. When I am finally greeted I am asked for my name, date of birth and told to go back in sit in my car. Apparently everything is ok and they will be doing the test in my car. How… convenient.

After about another 15 minutes the same woman comes to the door of my car. She explains I will be receiving the mouth version of the Covid19 test and not the nose. I assume they will be brushing the inside of my cheek. NO! They put a 6 inch cotton swab way back in my throat and scrape around for 15 seconds. Five seconds on the right side of my throat, five seconds on the left and on the third second on the middle part, I gag. It was not pleasant. If you have had a strep test, multiple it times 10.

I am then handed a piece of paper. It instructs me to sign into their web portal to see the results of my test… in 7 to 10 days. Really? What good is that to me? I will either need to be in the ER or all over my illness in 7 to 10 days. “Why are the tests taking so long?” I ask.  My helpful and highly covered test taker indicates “you can blame the southern states. The government and labs are highly unprepared for the ramped up amount of testing that is needed because of the increases in numbers of cases around the country.”

So now here I sit. Hitting refresh on their online portal. 6 days after my test, with no results. Possible infecting more people or totally fine and freaking out. Am I negative or am I positive? Who knows, could be allergies. Can say the amount of time to find out if I am possible infecting others is unacceptable.